哈佛毕业生亲述:我在哈佛的经历简直就是一场噩梦

　　“我知道，这不是大家眼中的哈佛，” 凯斯特说，“但我希望，读这本书的每个人、即将踏入大学校门的学子或毕业生，都能够认同我们大家都有所体会的大学焦虑。”

　　Eric Kester experienced the Harvard no one talks about.

　　埃里克-凯斯特从没向别人提起过他所经历的别样哈佛生活。

　　His tenure at Harvard is the stuff of nightmares. He survived a brush with a cheating ring, being locked out of his dorm on the first day of school in just his boxers, and being the only one of his friends to move home jobless after graduation.

　　他的哈佛学习经历如同噩梦一般。考试时险些作弊，入学第一天仅穿一条四角短裤把自己锁在宿舍外，毕业后朋友都找到了工作而自己却待业在家。

　　Kester, who graduated in 2008, admits that he barely survived "the world's most famous university," and he recaps it all in his recently released tell-all memoir, "That Book About Harvard."

　　2008年毕业的凯斯特承认，他是勉强从这所"世界最著名高等学府"毕业的。在他近期发表的自传体回忆录《有关哈佛的那本书》中，又全盘重述了那段经历。

　　Kester wrote a humor column for The Crimson, Harvard's student newspaper, and wrote for CollegeHumor.com after graduating. Once a publisher read about his mishaps at Harvard, Kester was encouraged to write a book.

　　凯斯特曾为哈佛校报《绯红》撰写过一个搞笑栏目，毕业后还为CollegeHumor.com网站投稿。一个出版商偶尔读到关于他在哈佛的悲惨经历，就鼓励他写作出书。

　　"Everyone seemed more accomplished than me, better than me," Kester said. "That's a lot of the same anxiety at any college, but it's really intensified there at Harvard."

　　"大家看起来都比我成功，比我优秀，" 凯斯特说，"任何大学的很多学生都存在这样的焦虑，可实际上哈佛学生的感觉来得更强烈。"

　　Kester's lack of confidence was justified: At Harvard, he was surrounded by brilliant minds, including Mark Zuckerberg, who was one of his classmates. Kester also joked （well, actually he was serious） that everyone at Harvard was valedictorian of their high school class.

　　凯斯特缺乏自信也在情理之中，哈佛大学里人才济济，Facebook的创始人马克-扎克伯格就曾经是他的同学。凯斯特还开玩笑说（其实他是认真的）：哈佛学生都曾代表他们的高中班级致过告别辞。

　　Some of the facts in the book are skewed and names changed. But Kester assures readers that the craziest stuff in his memoir―the events that seem impossible, like being caught in his underwear and experiencing party mishaps―actually did happen.

　　书中一些事实有些出入，人物名字也做了改动，但凯斯特向读者保证，自传中最疯狂的事情――貌似不可能发生的那些事情的确发生了，例如仅穿着内裤在众目睽睽下亮相，以及晚会遭遇悲惨命运等。

　　"I tell my parents it didn't actually happen though," Kester said. "It makes them feel better."

　　凯斯特说："我告诉父母这些故事是虚构的，才使他们感觉好一点。"

　　Kester couldn't catch a break from the start. On his first day at school, freshman move-in day, he locked himself out of his dorm room. He was wearing just his boxers. To get the spare key to his room, Kester had to walk across Harvard Yard, which was filled with hundreds of students and parents, in just his underwear.

　　霉运从一开始就缠上了凯斯特。入学第一天也就是就是新生入学日，他把自己锁在宿舍门外，当时只穿一条内裤。如此装束的凯斯特必须穿过聚集着上千名学生和家长的哈佛校园，才能拿到备用钥匙。

　　"All these classmates I wanted to impress essentially just saw me do a walk of shame," Kester said. "It made every interaction after that much more anxiety ridden."

　　“基本上所有我的同学都目睹了这令人难堪的一幕，我本来想给他们留下好印象的。”凯斯特说，“这使我在以后的同学交往中更加忧心忡忡。”

　　Kester continued to struggle with academics and what he wanted to major in. The pressure of Harvard's culture started to push him in the wrong direction.

　　凯斯特的学术和专业道路同样坎坷不平。来自哈佛文化的压力开始把他推向错误的方向。

　　Calculus quickly became the biggest challenge for Kester, who originally was a business major, but then switched to anthropology.

　　凯斯特最初主修商科，微积分很快成为最令他头痛的科目，然后他转修人类学。

　　Cue the cheating club. Classmates knew Kester was struggling in classes and looking for an easy way to succeed. He had a class with someone in a cheating ring, who introduced him to the seedy world of cheaters at one of the world's most prestigious universities. "It kind of found me," he said.

　　作弊俱乐部注意到他。同学们都知道凯斯特在学习上焦头烂额，而且正在寻找成功的捷径。他和某作弊俱乐部的一位成员同时上过课，这位同学把他带入世界上最负盛名的高等学府之一哈佛污浊的作弊生世界。“可以说，它发现了我，”他说。

　　The cheating ring was here to help and Kester's contact wanted to give him all the information about the most common ways to cheat. The most utilized and easiest way to cheat at Harvard is hiding answers in the bathroom. The cheating ring encouraged Kester to visit the bathroom during tests and take advantage of the answers hidden there, but at the last moment he backed out, afraid to jeopardize his academic career.

　　作弊俱乐部旨在为作弊者提供帮助，凯斯特的联系人希望他掌握最常用的作弊手段。最常用、也最简单的办法就是把答案藏在卫生间里。作弊俱乐部鼓励凯斯特考试时借口去卫生间，趁机搞到藏在那里的答案。但在关键时刻，他因担心危及自己的学业而退缩了。

　　Kester admits in the book's Note From the Author that he wrote this book to impress a girl and to impress all of his classmates who went on to big business jobs after graduation―even though he just moved home to live with his parents.

　　凯斯特在该书的《编者按》中坦承，虽然他现在又搬回了父母的家跟他们住在一起，但他还是希望借这本书留给一个女孩和毕业后为大企业工作的所有同学深刻印象。

　　He also hopes readers understand that there are good people at Harvard, many of whom made his tumultuous college career worth it. Kester, now 26, currently teaches at Middlesex School outside of Boston.

　　他同时希望读者们明白，哈佛还是有优秀学生，他们中许多人没有在喧嚣的大学生活中虚度年华。现年26岁的凯斯特目前在波士顿城郊的米德尔塞克斯学校任教。

　　"I understand this isn't the Harvard everyone experienced," Kester said. "But I hope anyone reading the book, someone going into college, or an alumnus, can relate to the anxieties we all have about college."

　　“我知道，这不是大家眼中的哈佛，” 凯斯特说，“但我希望，读这本书的每个人、即将踏入大学校门的学子或毕业生，都能够认同我们大家都有所体会的大学焦虑。”